Transcript
0:00Lately I keep thinking that maybe I deserve the worst of everything
0:04that's happening to me right now.
0:05Maybe this is just how things were always supposed to end up
0:08for someone fucked up as me.
0:10And I know people like to say everyone is just trying their best,
0:13everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves another chance.
0:16But I don't know if that applies to me
0:18because when I actually sit alone and think about the person I've been,
0:22I don't just see mistakes.
0:24I see someone who hurt people I cared about,
0:27someone who ruined good things for no reason,
0:29someone who pushed away the few people who actually tried to stay.
0:33And I keep wondering why the hell I had to be like that,
0:36why I couldn't just be normal for once,
0:38why I had to mess up
0:39the few real things that ever showed up in my life.
0:43Sometimes I try to tell myself I've changed,
0:45that I'm not that person anymore.
0:47But it's hard to believe that when the damage is already done
0:49because there are people out there
0:51who probably remember me as the worst thing that happened to them.
0:55And honestly, I don't blame them for it.
0:56I really don't because I know what I did.
0:59And even if they somehow forgave me,
1:01I don't think I ever could forgive myself.
1:03Some things just sit inside you forever
1:05like proof the kind of person you were and maybe still are.
1:09And what hurts the most?
1:11Is the idea that maybe all this emptiness I feel now,
1:14all this loneliness, maybe it's not bad luck.
1:17Maybe it's just life giving me exactly what I gave to other people.
1:21And I wish I could say I forgive myself.
1:24The truth is, I still look at myself sometimes and think, yeah,
1:28maybe this is exactly what someone like me deserves.
Mind Map
Loading mind map…
